Confounding Mass Effect 2

I beat Mass Effect 2 at the beginning of December, and I still haven't been able to find any way to talk about the game in a meaningful way.  Mechanically, I don't have a great latching on point to write about, so I can't focus my thoughts around that.  This post is going to wander a lot, because like Shep's body at the start of the game, my mind is all over the place. 

First, the tone of this game is much darker than the first one.  There's almost a heroic quality to the quest you're undertaking to stop Seren in Mass Effect 1.  Here, there is some heroism in stopping these galactic threats, but the way each step progresses feels dirt and grimey.  Seldom does it feel like you're getting a clean victory.  Every inch is fought for, and the casualties are unavoidable.   I get it, this is a monstrous, inhuman threat we're fighting.  There should be a struggle.  But man... even things that should be good end on a bittersweet note. 

The tone almost feels oppressive at times.  Like I'd rather be playing literally anything else.  You work for an organization that did awful shit in Mass Effect 1, and heinous shit in Mass Effect 3, but they wisely keep you out of that loop in the second one.  You're off doing the heroic shit, basically being public relations for them.  No see, this cruel research is to help Shepard and by extension, humanity and the galaxy".  I fell for it.  I fell for them being a means to an end.  I thought Shepard's reputation would have had them clean up their act a bit, but nah.  Illusive Man's a prick, but he's the only one giving you resources.  It all just feels gross in hindsight. 

I don't think I like how Mass Effect 2 made me feel.  I don't think it's a game I'll replay.  And that's fine.  I don't replay a lot of games I've beaten.  But there's just something about it that was frustrating the whole time and I can't put my finger on it.  Don't get me wrong, I liked the game.  It's just something is bothering me and I don't know what.  Your allies range from good to great, your enemy is clear, your mysterious benefactor is incredibly seedy, but like...

OK, what the fuck.  The start of Mass Effect 3 has you just re-enrolled with Alliance Military after the Normandy was turned over and retrofitted with upgraded Alliance tech.  Why the fuck was that not an option at any point prior?  I must've missed something.  Being in league with Cerberus is often enough for a conviction, and my former crew scattered to the wind following the arrest.  I guess Shepard felt he owed Cerberus for his life, and only they could stop the collectors, I think.  Maybe they're just willing to do what needed to be done, and it couldn't be done above board.

Again, I like the game, but it's probably the most confusing of the three.  That said, I'm only some percent through Mass Effect 3, so I don't know how that will end.  I don't know if I'll ever get a full grasp of how I feel about this game.  It's complicated and dark and demoralizing, but I saw it through.  That counts for something.